It can feel difficult finding the right person to help when we are struggling with things in life and with issues of a private nature you will want to feel in safe hands. Even if you have only just started to look for someone to talk to you maybe feeling confused or even overwhelmed by the choice of therapies and therapists available.
I am are here to help you find help and my shared passion is your wellbeing.
I will provide you with session solutions whether it is for yourself, your relationship, family or children.
I work with a broad range of concerns so that you can relax and talk to me about what is bothering you without having to worry whether you have chosen the right person or the right session.
First and foremost in a relationship counselling session, I want both parties to feel safe and respected. Relationship crises often create huge emotional un-safety. I aim to create a climate where both of you can open up and say the things that really matter to you, in safety, so the heart can begin to open and wounds can begin to heal. I don’t take sides. There are no baddies. No-one is wrong.
My overall approach, and particularly in the early sessions, is “solution oriented.” This is the approach most able to begin real healing as quickly as possible.
Some couples are afraid that therapy will degenerate into yet another fight.
I intervene positively to hold the situation firmly and break up destructive exchanges and coach how you can communicate better.
Early on, I’ll ask about what is, or has been, good in the relationship, in each person, and in each other.
What heals is always love. And most important, that starts with love for yourself; respecting yourself and having faith in yourself in the deepest ways.
I work with singles or one partner or both. It is not essential for both partners to come. When I work with couples together, sometimes I suggest that one or both partners come for some individual work.
Don’t wait for a crisis! With individuals, crises can powerfully motivate positive change. But with couples, it’s better that one partner comes when things are “a bit iffy”, than that both partners come when hurt has piled on hurt and things are heading towards divorce. I help you reconnect with love, trust, confidence, sexual pleasure, assertion, independence and joy.
Not what you say, but how you say it – the pattern of communication.
- Listening instead of scoring points.
- Keeping calm while you talk.
- Not blaming, not criticising, not judging, not diagnosing
- Taking responsibility for your emotions instead of making the other responsible for how you feel. Emotions are a fact about you, not about the other person.
- Identifying the unmet need behind anger or judgment.t
- Owing your own needs and emotions instead of blocking or making your partner wrong so that you don’t have to feel or face something.
- Really trying to understand your partner, even if what you hear is painful
- Saying “I feel” rather than “you are”
- Breaking up all old patterns of communication which don’t work. Stale, painful, repeating patterns – don’t do them! – do anything
- Being alert for “rackets” – patterns of communication where, if you are honest, there is a hidden addiction to ending up feeling bad. Just don’t do them.
- … and many similar things. These may be basic, but they can make a big difference, often quickly.Sometimes, when people are trapped in an avalanche, they die because they dig down into the snow, not up into the light. Love is intrinsically healing. The aim of this work is to liberate that intrinsic healing power so that you, and your partner, stop digging yourselves a hole. And either together, or if necessary as individuals, you dig up into the light.
DON’T WAIT FOR THE CRISIS before you seek marriage guidance.
To take the first step, give me a ring and leave a message (24 hours.) I’ll call you back. 604 202 7938.
I work with singles or with one or both partners. I am happy to answer any questions or arrange an appointment in Vancouver. My approach is friendly, respectful, and very effective.
Call Lazzaro at 604 202 7938